does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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