this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
