How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
