we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
