oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
