kristin has been a bad kristin
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
