Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
