Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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