did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize
