I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
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