Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
