At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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