So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
