Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
