I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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