He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My vagina just recognized that song.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
