You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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