its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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