Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I supernannyed him into submission
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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