I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
