i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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