So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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