I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
