I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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