She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
