Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
