You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.