Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..