I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
