I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
