you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
