I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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