so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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