i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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