I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
