Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
