We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
