it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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