I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
