I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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