I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
