I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
