It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
