There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
