I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
