Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
