Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
