dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
