I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
