trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize