Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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