What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
