I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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