weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
All the doctor said was why
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
