Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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