I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
