her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
