Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
