Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
