you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
