South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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