Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
