When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i dont even know how to be here
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
