went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
