What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
