Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
