he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
