The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
