I can text with my tongue
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
