She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.