I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
