what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
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It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
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Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.