We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
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No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
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Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.