Texts From Last Night

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  (406): View more from Montana

  Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs

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  (406): Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer. (1-406): Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs http://tfl.nu/ro47
  Replies (46) Good night (935) Bad night (4554)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.

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  (417): I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat. http://tfl.nu/8r9j
  Replies (32) Good night (1316) Bad night (7299)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"

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  (587): the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away" http://tfl.nu/q751
  Replies (7) Good night (1052) Bad night (5048)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music

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  (303): Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music http://tfl.nu/qvs5
  Replies (9) Good night (977) Bad night (3172)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.

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  (225): If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/axif
  Replies (7) Good night (1184) Bad night (2808)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.

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  (508): All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears. http://tfl.nu/qmop
  Replies (15) Good night (700) Bad night (1297)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.

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  (503): Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in. http://tfl.nu/pa8o
  Replies (7) Good night (1857) Bad night (662)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister

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  (780): Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister http://tfl.nu/6uk5
  Replies (20) Good night (1124) Bad night (599)
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  (916): View more from California

  Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?

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  (916): Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college? http://tfl.nu/z4fh
  Replies (2) Good night (870) Bad night (407)
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  (716): View more from New York

  You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage

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  (716): You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage http://tfl.nu/tfgj
  Replies (3) Good night (562) Bad night (912)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls

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  (646): Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls http://tfl.nu/z0xl
  Replies (10) Good night (887) Bad night (451)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!

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  (203): Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor (203): WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?! http://tfl.nu/dwzz
  Replies (5) Good night (643) Bad night (392)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'

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  (615): Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid' http://tfl.nu/cmth
  Replies (6) Good night (627) Bad night (463)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"

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  (917): Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there" http://tfl.nu/jagl
  Replies (1) Good night (989) Bad night (312)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.

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  (202): Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time. http://tfl.nu/ulsc
  Replies (3) Good night (495) Bad night (917)

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