Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
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what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
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And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too