let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
