Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
