Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
