his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
