My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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