I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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