Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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