Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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