Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
