I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
