i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
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what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
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Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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