are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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