Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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