Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
