i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
