the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just pee around me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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